Friday, March 4, 2011
1. Use a soft startup. You kids know and practice this all the time with Randy and I. You start out with something like, Now don't get mad... or you soften us up someway. You need to complain without blame. You may be justified in blaming but it is not productive. You also need to avoid contempt or critisism. If you let these kinds of conflict go on then you eventually blow up over some insignificant thing.
2. Use "I" statements to tell how you are feeling and describe what is happening without judgment. Be clear in your communication (they can't read minds). Be polite (imagine you are e appreciative of the efforts they do make to build a good relationship.
3. Learn to recieve and make repair attempts. These are things that help you get back on the right track like, Let's start over, or touching them or saying, I need a time out.
4. Soothe yourself and each other. It's harder for men to physically calm down when they get angry (about 20 minute) so give them some time. Ask them how you can help them and what you do that sets them off. Then honor that and don't use that against them.
5. Compromise. Honestly consider their point of view and ask questions so you understand their perspective. Accept their influence. You married them because you valued their opinions so trust them to give you some guidance sometimes.
6. Be tolerant of their faults. We all have them you know. Pres. Hinkley said that most marriages require a high level of mutual tolerance. I have found that to be true in mine. (Although Randy is pretty close to perfection :} it helps to just give them a few allowances from time to time.
I have learned alot about marriage from observing all of you with your marriage challenges. You have what it takes to create strong, resliliant marriages and I learn different skills by watching each one of you. Thanks for your good examples. We love you all.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Week one reflective blog:
There were a couple of quotes this week that really impacted my thinking that I want to share and preserve. The first was by Pres. Kimball. “The time will come when only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us.”
I have felt more and more lately, that people who believe in family really need to step it up and share with the world the concepts found in the Proclamation on the Family. It’s not going to be enough to just live it ourselves, we will need to actively teach it and share those ideas and vote for leaders who share those same values. We will need to be a light to the world and set the example. This quote just confirmed that feeling. I think especially those who work with Young Women can have a powerful influence of righteous womanhood and a positive example of honoring traditional roles of being happy in homes designed to nurture children. I was amazed at the statistics that showed more educated people marrying at a higher percentage, but that they were not having children. Somewhere in the education process they are getting the idea that children are not a blessing or that having children in not something of value.
The other quote that impressed me was about transitional characters. “God intervenes in some destructive lineages, assigning a valiant spirit to break the chain of destructiveness in such families. Although these children may suffer innocently as victims of violence, neglect or exploitation, through the grace of God some find the strength to “purge” the poison within themselves, refusing to pass it on to future generations. Before them were generations of destructive pain, after them, the line flows clean and pure. Their children and children’s children will call them blessed. Such person’s, in some degree becomes as, “Saviors on mount Zion” by helping to bring salvation to a lineage.”I am so grateful for transitional characters. Our latter-day church is based on transitional characters. People who were brave enough and had the courage to break out of traditional religious beliefs because they found higher truth. Others are in dysfunctional family patterns and have the courage to break out of those patterns so they can make life better for themselves and the generations to come. My mom was a first generation member of the church and she decided that she wanted to be sealed in the temple. That decision hurt her family deeply because they couldn’t come, but I know our family has been blessed, and will be blessed for generations, because of the faith she exhibited.
I hope you all will think about these things and do what you can to strengthen your own families and be a light to the world.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
“We become so caught up in the busyness of our lives. Were we to step back, however, and take a good look at what we’re doing, we may find that we have immersed ourselves in the ‘thick of thin things.’ In other words, too often we spend most of our time taking care of the things which do not really matter much at all in the grand scheme of things, neglecting those more important causes.”
Thomas S. Monson, “What Have I Done for Someone Today?” Ensign, Nov. 2009, 85